Erap Jokes

English Language

Cory: Bakit ayaw mo ng English language?

Erap: Nakakalito kasi. Ang isda, pis, ang mukha ay pis, ang katahimikan ay pis din

Sa mga subdivision ay may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3

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Erap to everyone

Erap to criminals: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to politician: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to Monica Lewinski: Ako naman subukan mo!

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Condolence

Erap: (crying) doc called, Mom’s dead

Zamora: Condolence, sir

After two minutes (Erap cries even louder)

Zamora: What now?

Erap: My sister just callled, her mom died too!…

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Manero

Zamora : Mr. President, huwag kayong matakot kay Manero, hindi kayo papatayin noon.

President: Bakit naman hindi ako papatayin noon ay balak kong ipabalik siya sa Munti.Zamora:

Sir, kasi ang pinapatay ni Manero ay kinakain niya ang utak. Eh, kayo, wala kayong utak kaya Hindi niya gagawin na patayin kayo.

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Why Erap?

Bakit ERAP ang nickname in ERAP?

Kasi, ERAPturuan

ERAP mag-english

ERAP maglakad

ERAP magsalita

ERAP makaintindi

ERAP paniwalaan

at ang tao, ERAP na ERAP na!

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Black tie

ERAP: Nakakahiya!

JINGGOY: Bakit Dad?

ERAP: Sabi sa invitation black tie only, pagdating ko dun, may suot din pala silang polo at pantalon!

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Bribes

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you

ERAP: Sorry, I don’t accept bribes

SH: I’ll just sell it to you for P100

ERAP: Okay, I’ll get two!

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Erap sings

ERAP: (singing) “Mile away . . . . you’re so many mile away from me…”

LOI: Hon, lagyan mo ng letter “s” ang mile!

ERAP: Smile away, you’re so many smile away from me . . .”

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Underwear

DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples

ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?