Pinoy Jokes

*Regalo
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni PARE ang birthday gift mo ah?
Mrs: Oo nga,7 months na di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

*Diamond
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko.
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

*Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang ang nakabali!

*Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC – Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF – Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.

Erap Jokes

English Language

Cory: Bakit ayaw mo ng English language?

Erap: Nakakalito kasi. Ang isda, pis, ang mukha ay pis, ang katahimikan ay pis din

Sa mga subdivision ay may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3

---

Erap to everyone

Erap to criminals: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to politician: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to Monica Lewinski: Ako naman subukan mo!

---

Condolence

Erap: (crying) doc called, Mom’s dead

Zamora: Condolence, sir

After two minutes (Erap cries even louder)

Zamora: What now?

Erap: My sister just callled, her mom died too!…

---

Manero

Zamora : Mr. President, huwag kayong matakot kay Manero, hindi kayo papatayin noon.

President: Bakit naman hindi ako papatayin noon ay balak kong ipabalik siya sa Munti.Zamora:

Sir, kasi ang pinapatay ni Manero ay kinakain niya ang utak. Eh, kayo, wala kayong utak kaya Hindi niya gagawin na patayin kayo.

---

Why Erap?

Bakit ERAP ang nickname in ERAP?

Kasi, ERAPturuan

ERAP mag-english

ERAP maglakad

ERAP magsalita

ERAP makaintindi

ERAP paniwalaan

at ang tao, ERAP na ERAP na!

Erap Jokes!

Erap calling U.P. Diliman:

Erap: Hello! Is this Diliman?
Operator; No, this is Padre Faura!
Erap: I’m sorry father, wrong number!!!

---

Loi while laboring:

Erap phoned a doctor, asking for assistance.
Erap: Doc, what will I do? Loi is laboring and she’s in pain.
Doctor: Is this her first baby?
Erap: No, this is Erap.

---

While taking a shower at home and calling for Loi:

Erap: Bakit walang shampoo dito?
Loi: Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo, eh!
Erap: Eh, puro for Dry Hair lang ang meron, basa na ang buhok ko!!!

---

In a science class:

Classmate: Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa? Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?
Erap: Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!!

---

Pinoy Jokes

Here are some of the jokes I got from a tabloid… Si Erap ang bida..

In an emergency room…

Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone
Doctor: Are you choking?
Erap: No, I’m serious!!!

Erap while still in Gradeschool:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Erap: Eh, di 9.
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Erap: Gagaguhin ninyo pa ako, eh binaligtad ninyo lang, eh di 6!!!

While in Drugstore:

Erap: I’d like some vitamins for my Grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Erap: It does matter, cause he can’t read yet!!!

Joke tym…

Erap pumara ng taxi

Driver: San po tayo boss?

Erap: San Juan tayo

Driver: Kayo lang ho mag-isa?

Erap: Bakit di ka ba sasama?

---

(((Ring)))

((((((((((Ring- g-g-g-g)) )))))))))

***pick up***

“Hello?”

“Hi, honey, this is Daddy,”…. “Is your Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Unc’a Frank,”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank,
honey!”

“Oh Yes, I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!”

“Uh, Okay, then……here’ s what I want you do. Put down the phone, Run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle
Frank that Daddy’s car’s just pulled up outside the house.”

“Okay, Daddy!”

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “Well, I
did what you said, Daddy.”

“And what happened?” he asks.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying Out
the front window and now she’s all dead.”

“Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?”

“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared
and
he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool…..but he must
have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so
He hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he’s all real dead
too.”

***long pause***

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool???? Is this 555-7039?”