Joke, joke, joke

Standard

Street Vendor : “bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!”



gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!



ANG MARRIED LIFE….
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay
inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
“HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!”



Husband: “Paratina lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!”
Wife: “Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!”
Husband: “Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!”
Wife: “Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!”



Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!



Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!



Friend: “Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!”
Husband: “Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!”
Friend: “Surprise? Ano occassion?”
Husband: “Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!”



Health Advisory: “Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints…. men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!”



WIFE: I’m warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!



WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya “GO TO
HELL”, kaya ito uwi agad ako..



Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na
to, let’s make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.



Population policies of countries:
: China Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!



RUSSIAN: we’re 1st in space
USA : we’re 1st in the moon
ERAP: we’ll be the 1st in the sun
USA: you can’t go there, you’ll burn
ERAP: we’re not stupid, we’ll go there at NIGHT!



Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!


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