Erap Jokes

Standard

English Language

Cory: Bakit ayaw mo ng English language?

Erap: Nakakalito kasi. Ang isda, pis, ang mukha ay pis, ang katahimikan ay pis din

Sa mga subdivision ay may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3




Erap to everyone

Erap to criminals: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to politician: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to Monica Lewinski: Ako naman subukan mo!




Condolence

Erap: (crying) doc called, Mom’s dead

Zamora: Condolence, sir

After two minutes (Erap cries even louder)

Zamora: What now?

Erap: My sister just callled, her mom died too!…




Manero

Zamora : Mr. President, huwag kayong matakot kay Manero, hindi kayo papatayin noon.

President: Bakit naman hindi ako papatayin noon ay balak kong ipabalik siya sa Munti.Zamora:

Sir, kasi ang pinapatay ni Manero ay kinakain niya ang utak. Eh, kayo, wala kayong utak kaya Hindi niya gagawin na patayin kayo.




Why Erap?

Bakit ERAP ang nickname in ERAP?

Kasi, ERAPturuan

ERAP mag-english

ERAP maglakad

ERAP magsalita

ERAP makaintindi

ERAP paniwalaan

at ang tao, ERAP na ERAP na!




Black tie

ERAP: Nakakahiya!

JINGGOY: Bakit Dad?

ERAP: Sabi sa invitation black tie only, pagdating ko dun, may suot din pala silang polo at pantalon!




Bribes

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you

ERAP: Sorry, I don’t accept bribes

SH: I’ll just sell it to you for P100

ERAP: Okay, I’ll get two!




Erap sings

ERAP: (singing) “Mile away . . . . you’re so many mile away from me…”

LOI: Hon, lagyan mo ng letter “s” ang mile!

ERAP: Smile away, you’re so many smile away from me . . .”




Underwear

DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples

ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?

6 responses »

  1. hahahahaahahhahahaahahahahhahhahahahhahhahahahaahhahahahhahahhahaahhahahahaahhaahahahahhahahaahahhahaahhahahahaahagrabe super funny lalo na yung black tie and diamond hahahahhaahhaahahahhhaaahhaahhaqahahhaahhaahahah

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