How to Spot a Filipino

Standard

You point with your lips.
You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!
Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
You’re standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
You collect items from hotels or restaurants “for souvenir’s sake.”
Your house has a distinctive aroma.
You smile for no reason.
You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
You scratch your head when you don’t know the answer.
You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
You go bowling
You play pusoy & mah jong
You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
You add an unwarranted “H” to your name (i.e., “Jhun,” “Bhoy,” or “Rhon.”)
You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say “excuse, excuse” when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
Your middle name is your mother’s maiden name.
You like everything that’s imported or “state-side.”
You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.
You hang your clothes out to dry.
You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
You always offer food to all your visitors.


VOCABULARY:
You say “comfort room” instead of “bathroom.”
You say “for take out” instead of “to go.”
You “open” or “close” the lights.
You ask for “Colgate” instead of “toothpaste.”
You ask for a “pentel pen” or a “ball pen” instead of just a pen.
You refer to the refrigerator as the “ref” or “pridyider.”
You say kodakan instead of “take a picture.”
You order a “McDonald’s” instead of a “hamburger” (pronounced ham-boor-jer).
You say “Ha?” instead of “What?”
You say “Hoy!” to get someone’s attention.
You answer when someone yells “Hoy!”
You turn around when someone says “Psst!”
You say “Cutex” instead of “nail polish.”
You say “for a while” instead of “please hold” on the telephone.
You say “he” when you mean “she” and vice versa.
You say “aray!” instead of “ouch!”
Your sneeze sounds like “ahh-ching” instead of “ahh-choo.”
You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as “OA” for overacting, “DOM” for dirty old man and “TNT” for, well, you know.
You say “air con” instead of “a/c” or air conditioner.
You pronounce the following words:”hippopo-TA-mus,” “com-FOR-table,” “bro-CO-li,” and “Mongo-mery Ward.”
You say “brown-out” instead of “black-out.”
You say “Uy!” instead of “Oops.”

HOME FURNISHINGS:
You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.
You have a “Weapons of Moroland” shield hanging in your living room wall.
You have a portrait of “The Last Supper” hanging in your dining room wall.
You own a karaoke system.
You own a piano no one ever plays.
You have a tabo in the bathroom.
Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.
You have a rose garden.
You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.
You own a “Barrel Man” (shwing!)
You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.
You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
You refer to your VCR as the “Beyta-Max.”
You have a rice dispenser.
You own a turbo broiler.
You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.
You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.
You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.

AUTOMOBILES:
You own a Mercedes Benz and call it “chedeng.”
You own a huge van conversion.
Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it’s in reverse.
Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
Your car has curb feelers on it.
You hang a rosary on your car’s rear view mirror.
You have those air fresheners in a bottle.

FAMILY:
You have aunts and uncles named “Baby,” “Girlie,” or “Boy.”
You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.
Your dad was in the navy.
Your mom or sister is a nurse.
You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
Your parents call each other “mommy” and “daddy.”
You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., “Deng-Deng,” “Ling-Ling,” “Jong-Jong” or “Bing-Bing.”)
You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.
You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
You order a “soft drink” instead of a “soda.”
You dip bread in your morning coffee.
You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as “Ajinomoto.”
Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.
“Goldilocks” means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
You bring baon to work every day.
Your baon is usually something over rice.
Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
You eat rice for breakfast.
You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale “toyo circles” on them.
You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
You know that “chocolate meat” isn’t really made with chocolate.

4 responses »

  1. Hahaha it’s so funny how a majority of the list applies to my family and all the other flips in our neighborhood.

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